I'm sure that you know of, or at least have heard of, the importance of intimacy as a critical factor in the success of a relationship. In this article I wish to discuss:

1. My definition of intimacy.

2. Reasons why intimacy is an elusive ingredient in most relationships, and,

3. What one can do to create more intimacy in one's relationship.

Firstly, let me begin with what I mean by intimacy. Very simply it is about one's ability to remain open and honest with their partner about what they are feeling and thinking.

Clearly such a feat is not an easy one for most couples to achieve for reasons which include:

1. Many individuals are often not even aware themselves of what they are thinking and/or feeling.

2. This lack of awareness is often the result of a host of fears of being fully conscious of this information.

3. The fears are often about dredging up uncomfortable feelings about one's self, one's past, one's family, and ones feelings about their partner and so on.

4. There is a general assumption that it is better for all concerned to keep such information suppressed.

5. There is an assumption that by distracting one's self from this information that it will just disappear.

This type of self sabotage often leads to a relationship in which the members of the couple never really get to know each other. When this happens it becomes difficult to be fully one's self with the other and hence the relationship starts feeling constraining and/or energetically draining after a while. This is because it takes a great deal of energy to keep this uncomfortable information suppressed at an unconscious level.

Additionally the relationship will start to feel both unsafe and empty emotionally. Unsafe because each member will not know who they are having a relationship with. Empty because it will be difficult to relax, be one's self and have a meaningful and fulfilling interchange.

In time cracks will emerge in the relationship and cause it to disintegrate. What can be done to head this off at the pass?

The solution is to help each individual become more open and comfortable with their own inner emotional life i.e. eradicate the fear of their own inner feelings. It sounds ironic, doesn't it that the solution to the intimacy issue is really about being honest with one's self first?

If this is something you or your partner are struggling with kindly visit the web link below and consider an introductory consultation.