Ive noted that Jay Leno is still hurting for jokes. This is the third of my helpful articles providing original jokes to poor Ol Jay. This time Ive decided to use one of Jays favorite topics, celebrities. Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio There are reports in the Afterlife Gazette that Joe DiMaggio is trying to get back into the favor of Marilyn Monroe by writing music. One report by Walter Winchell, who passed over in 1972, is that Marilyn is decomposing as fast as Joe is composing. According to Winchell: JOE has become very DISJOINTED over this. Paris Hilton Because of her negative reputation of being WITHOUT A CLUE, Paris Hilton enrolled in the COSMOLOGY department at Stanford University. It is reported by fellow students that her only question during the first lecture was: Will I be able to use my own COSMETICS? Paris left the class when the professor mentioned BLACK HOLES. She told a fellow student that she did not like NASTY PROFESSORS and that she was transferring to Cal Tech because she heard that there are more boys there. Jennifer Lopez The Latino hot sheet published in West Los Angeles, Un Pltano Caliente, interviewed Jennifer Lopez on the subject Successful Marriage. When the interviewer, Christina Gonzales, asked, You seem to have the short BUTT sweet theory on marriage. How do you make that work? Lopez answered, First, SHORT does not work for me. I like a handsome considerate man that wants sex more than money. That way, when he starts to meddle in my business affairs, I can dump him without emotion. Christina asked, Then you do not marry for love, do you? You only marry for sex! Why bother to get married at all? You dump husbands like other people dump their trash. Unabashed, Lopez answered, No quisieras que la gente pensara en m como que es una mujerzuela, t? A quick visit to the Internet translated una mujerzuela. It means SLUT! Jennifer does not want people thinking that she is a slut. Madonna Speaking of sluts, A rabbi recently called Madonna a slut, an unworthy envoy for Jewish mysticism. (See: http://tinyurl.com/63fw6) Since 1997 she has been studying the Jewish mysticism called Kabbalah. These days she is never seen without a red yarn bracelet that she says will ward off the Evil Eye. She needs that BRACELET every time SHE LOOKS into a MIRROR. The End copyright2006 John T. Jones, Ph.D. Paris Hilton, Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio, Marilyn Monroe, Jokes, Jay Leno, jokes for Leno, celebrity, joke |
