Another important way that language can help us change is through the strategic use of questions. A strategic question cannot only change the way we feel about something, it can also motivate us and give us a clear direction for change.

For example, when you look at a pile of things to do and ask, "How in the world is all this going to get done?" your brain tends to respond with stress and negative answers.

Asking better questions

Suppose you instead ask, "In what ways can I accomplish this, do it well and enjoy the process?" Your brain then can go on a search to find all the ways to accomplish the task well and enjoy the process.

Why affirmations don't work

Many of you are probably familiar with one of the '80s great contribution to pop psychology: affirmations.

That's when you stand in front of a mirror and say such things to yourself as, "I'm a successful person" and "I am a lovable person."

One reason that affirmations don't work or work poorly is that our brains interpret affirmations as questions. Hence, "I'm a successful person" becomes "Am I a successful person?" Our brains then have only two options, "yes" and "no."

And it's a lot easier to answer "no" than "yes."

A more useful approach would be to ask a better question, such as, "In how, many ways am I a successful person?" Your brain is then programmed to go on a search for answers that will help you, instead of hold you back.

Since none of us, to my knowledge at least, has received an owners manual for our brains, it's important to learn how to use them in a way that helps us change.

Just for a week, pay attention to the language you use that holds you back and practice changing it into language that allows you to change. I think you will like the results, and may even enjoy the process.