My name is Had. You may know me, but you may not know my new name. You may have no idea what I ve been through because I do my best to look the same. I am scared to death of you. I use to be just like you. I once held my head up high without propping in on my hymnal. I was well respected back then, and I even respected myself. I was whole-hearted devoted to God, and if the truth be known, somewhere deep inside I was sometimes the slightest bit proud of my devotion. Then Id repent because I knew pride was wrong. I didnt want to be wrong. Not ever. People looked up to me. And life looked good from up there. I felt good about who I was. That was before I was Had. Strangely, I no longer remember my old name. I just remembered I liked it. I liked who I was. I wish I could go back. I wish I would just wake up. But I fear Im wide awake. I have had a nightmare. And the nightmare was me Had.

If I could really talk to you and you could really listen, Id tell you I have no idea how all of this happened. Honestly, I was just like you. I didnt plan to be Had. I didnt want to be Had. One day I hadnt, and then the next day I had. Oh, I know where I went wrong. I have rewound the nightmare a thousand times, stopping it right at the point where I departed the trail of good sense. The way ahead didnt look wrong. It just looked different. Strange, he didnt look like the devil in the original scene. But every time I replayed it, he dropped another piece of his masquerade. When he finally took off his mask, he was laughing at me. Nothing seems funny anymore. I will never laugh again as long as he is laughing.

If only I could go back. I would see it this time! I would walk around the trap camouflaged by the bush, and I would not be Had. I would be proud. Was that my old name? Proud? I cant even remember who I was anymore. I thought I was Good. Not Proud. But I dont know anymore. Would you believe I never heard the trap shut? Too many voices were shouting in my head. I just new I got stuck somewhere unfamiliar and soon I didnt like the scenery anymore. I wanted to go home. I pulled and pulled on the trap but the foothold wouldnt budge. I had no way out. I screamed for God. He came for me. As he inspected my shattered ankle I expected him to say, You deserve this, you know. Youve been Had. Because he did and I know and I have. He hasnt said it yet. I dont know how much to trust him yet. Ive never known him from this side. My leg still hurts. God says it will heal in time. But I fear I will always walk with a limp. You see I wrestled with the devil and he gave me a new name. Had.

Have you ever been Had? God says He doesnt want us to forget. We say, we just want to be healed. Has Good or Proud ever gotten in the way of you being Healed? There have been more Hads than Good or Proud may ever know. And sometimes it takes a Has Been to know a Had. God wanted to make sure we never act like we never been Had, so he leaves the scares. Never forget where you have been, and never forget the dead times God has raised you up from the times of being Had. Learn from them, mature from them and praise God for the Had that you once were and may be again.