As I exhaustedly stood in New York's Penn Station on a Friday evening impatiently waiting for the train that would take me home and hopefully remove all recollections of anything that remotely sounded like "work ? from my mind, a heavy set red headed woman engaged me in what I thought would be delicate chatter. As we boarded the train she took it upon herself to trail behind me, sit uncomfortably close to me in the two-seater then effortlessly began to share the following very personal story. I'll call this woman Vivian.

As Vivian continued to squish me in my seat to the point of feeling "bone crushed ? she blindly and painstakingly appeared to babble to no one in particular (not once did she give me anymore eye contact once we left the train platform and sat down, she just kinda stared off into oblivion), about how her "better half ? has been cheating on her with another woman for the past two years. Thinking that something must be awry, she saved her duckets and hired a very expensive private investigator that afforded her the opportunity to catch her guy dead-to-rights in a position that's, let's say, couldn't be misconstrued as anything other than sexual. After Vivian confronted her guy about his already confirmed affair, her "sweetie ? looked her smack dab in the eye, told her how much he loved the ground that she walked on and denied any wrongdoing whatsoever. He furthered his intent to deceive by responding, "I don't even know what you're talking about. Don't you love me anymore Vivian? Why are you behaving this way? Why are you doing this to us? ? Putting his hands on each of Vivian's shoulders, he then passionately kissed her (according to Vivian the kiss was a real winner), turned his back to her and self-assuredly walked away. UNREAL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I know you're waiting to hear what her guy's response was after Vivian showed him the pics right? Well so was I, until she at long last, turned to face me and told me that she never showed her guy the pics! Can you believe that? She never showed her man the pics of him in the act with Susie Sunshine!! Yes, I wrote it twice so you can be assured that I said exactly what you read. Vivian couldn't show him the pictures because she said that she didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. She told me that she still loves him (I empathized with her on that one cause we know we have no choice but to love em even though they should be sleeping outside behind the dumpster snuggled next to Fido the cat. That is until we are strong enough to love ourselves more than we love someone undeserving of our love). Vivian further explained to me that regardless of his infidelities and the pictures that she saw it's still easier to be with him than without him. Obviously the pain of being alone surpassed her pain of being with him while he continues to cheat on her. Can you believe that one? Your guy is cheating on YOU, you have pictures and a beyond valid reason to kick the jerk to the curb yet, you place his feelings above yours. To spare hurting him you decide to keep the evidence to yourself. Hmph! hmph, hmph. What's the world coming to? All I can say is I am not supporting her decision AT ALL! But what was I supposed to tell this woman? I was just an unknown commuter that she chose as her sounding board for the moment.

I found it bizarre that I would meet a woman who is going through a situation such as the one she shared with me. However, check out the following and you'll see why I feel this way:

I ended a dating relationship that I was involved in with a man who I ultimately found out was cheating on me with a younger woman. When I confronted him with my suspicions he told me that he only loved me and he had no idea what or whom I was referring to. I wanted to believe in my guy, wanted to believe that he did in fact have mad love for me and would never do anything to disrespect our relationship. Since I live in the real world and not in Wonderland, unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that he was cheating. Further, the woman that he was cheating with was twenty-two years old! Might I add my daughter is twenty and the guy that I was seeing is thirty-eight! When I found out the age of my "so-called ? competition that in and of itself took me for a huge loop because I never figured a man that I was dating would have an affinity for a woman young enough to be my daughter.

What I'm trying to get to is this: I was and I still am in love with this guy. I can't turn off my emotions as quickly as I would like understanding that reality tells me that I should speed up the "I'm ova you process ?. Although with time, I am hopeful that the thought of him will become a distant blur. However, I was and probably still will be tempted to get back with this guy if it weren't for the respect that I have for myself which won't allow me to act upon those illogical thoughts. (I get ashamed to myself if I do something too farfetched from what's considered appropriate for myself in my eyes).

It's funny how when my guy was out "doing his dirt ?, whenever I called his cell (at all times of the night and day), all I got was his voicemail. (I always allow one to hang himself so I tolerated this for a couple of weeks). Hence, he rarely returned my telephone calls nor did he bother to pay me a visit during his self-imposed hiatus from "us ?. NOW that I've changed my cell number, given all of his belongings that were so conveniently left at my residence back to him and told him that I am too much woman to be his other woman or "one of his women ?, the tables have turned. He is now calling me at work like a banchie burning in hell, telling me how much he loves me and how hurt he is because he doesn't have my new cell number. (What does him having my new cell number have to do with the real meat and potatoes of the problem' Don't ask me, I'm clueless). Since I was still reluctant to pass off the new digits to him, he went so far as to tell me that I didn't have to worry about him calling me at work ever again because as long as he didn't have my new cell number he no longer considers me a "friend ?. Hey, I was too cool with his "ultimatum ?. After all I was the one breaking up with him wasn't I? Who cared about his ultimatums? Plaheeze!!!

I remember how he frequently reminded me that he had a distinct distrust for "all women ?, with the exception of "his momma ? (maybe he should have been dating his momma, it could've saved me from his drama). After all of his demands and requests for this, that, and a third, tell me why was he was the first person to call me upon my arrival at the wonderful J-O-B the Monday following our break up? Why was that? Hmm?

My ex was considered to have a personality that resembled Teflon in my eyes. You know how Teflon works right? We cook on those non-stick surfaces, smooth on the exterior and tough as nails and durable on the interior. As far as my guy was concerned I eventually felt that nothing seemed to "shake ? him when it came to a relationship. He always managed to keep his cool on the exterior. He was one of those guys who would turn his cell off or put it in his pocket on vibrate knowing full well that callers would be trying to reach him. I surmise that he knew this act of "ignoring ? drove people to the point of combustion most times. Well as fate would have it, my guy was no longer Teflon in my eyes anymore because he was now the one sweating me. He was the one begging and pleading for me to "give him my new number because he felt angry knowing he had no way of contacting me ?. He was on full-fledged "cut-off ?!! Sounds like a control issue to me but what do I know? I'm not a psychiatrist. He continually affirmed his dedicated love for me, and of course this is the best one, "he asked me why was I was ruining our relationship ?. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: Fact really is crazier than fiction! Yes sir re I was the one ruining our relationship but he was the one cheating. And men say women are fickled!! Give me a freaking break!

Look. I'll probably end up giving him my new number once I've gotten over this whole situation. I always manage to maintain a decent cordial relationship with most of my exes when all is said and done anyway. The way I figure it, what's the harm in being distant acquaintances? Especially since I know I won't be dating him anymore. Although I am not fully recovered from the shock of his infidelity, I am sure within a few months I should be my ole self again. I know full well how difficult the dating scene is nowadays and TRUST me most times I am not even in the mix! Dating is frightening, ugh!

The last time that I checked, Teflon over time peels and falls apart doesn't it? Doesn't it fall from the pan onto your food and into your plate as you scrape your delectables from the pan? That's because that good ole Teflon has begun to wither and loose its durability. Therefore to all of you men out there, who believe that you are slick and as sturdy as Teflon, don't be so full of yourselves. All it takes is a woman who you really love who happens to value herself more than she values a poor relationship with you, Mr. Teflon and you'll see just how your Teflon really holds up. In a word you'll be panicking because she won't want to be with you anymore and more importantly you'll be history. All you'll have left is her smoke, memories of her and the pain of a good relationship that you turned bad.

Hey who needs Teflon anyway? When you can have cast iron. Cast iron might be a little difficult to find these days, but it is sure worth the effort it takes to get your hands on it. What do you think?

(c) 2006 by C.V. Harris. All rights reserved.