Perhaps the most difficult part of a divorce is the initial separation. This is because there is usually great emotional pain associated with the breakdown of a marriage. Separation is a TWO STEP PROCESS: - 1. The decision to separate; and 2. The actual physical separation itself. Neither step is easy, especially if the desire to separate is not a mutual one. The Decision Even if both parties know that the marriage has been rocky for some time, one party announcing to the other that he or she wants a divorce, can still be quite devastating. It means that in spite of the promises made to each other when they first got married, this person is effectively saying that they dont love or want the other person anymore. Rejection is seldom pleasant, depending on how you react to it. It certainly disturbs a persons emotional wellbeing and can be extremely damaging and debilitating if you let it. Where the decision to separate is yours, you are likely to be more prepared psychologically for the news than your partner. These days, lots of women are "choosing" to separate and divorce. They are no longer happy in the relationship and are not willing to settle for less. These women often have the advantage, over other women, of being financially independent of the other spouse. Even where the decision to separate does come from you, it will probably be as a result of a lot of soul-searching, heartache and agony. Such important decisions are seldom made lightly and often come at critical times in a marriage. Some couples simply grow apart. Others were perhaps not well suited to begin with. It may be that the relationship has merely "run its course" or reached its "use-by date". We should not beat ourselves over the head or necessarily feel guilty. It is a pretty big order to expect two young people, in love, to make a pledge to one another for life when they so often lack, because of their young years, the life experience to be fully informed of what is involved to really make a marriage work, for life. It should also be remembered that there are only two people in the world who truly understand the sexes unfortunately, nobody knows who they are!! |
