Love at first sight happens occasionally, but does it happen every time you meet someone new? If youve had your heart crushed more than once by rushing into a relationship, it might be time to try a new approach. The good news is, there is a practical alternative to diving in heart first. If youre looking for a long-term, loving relationship, think of dating as data gathering. Before you give your heart away take time to find out if the person is worthy, meets your needs, and has long-term potential. Every conversation, email or date is a chance to notice details and collect vital information about your dates character. Of course you wont take notes or actually interview the person. Simply be yourself, yet, be alert so you can notice red flags or signals that could impact your long-term relationship success. Determining someones Mr./Ms. Right potential only becomes clear with time. Data gathering includes watching for: Follow through on whatever he or she says Qualities that you are seeking like honesty, respect, sense of humor, kindness, etc. How the person treats you and others If you have enough in common and enjoy each others company If you look at the world with a similar viewpoint If you have similar life goals How well you get along with each otherHeres an example illustrating the pitfalls of an instant relationship. Deana met Sam at a workshop. At first glance, he had many of the wonderful qualities she desired;, charming, attractive, smart, entrepreneurial, and more. They were comfortable with each other immediately, talked about everything, and started spending all their free time together. Looking back, Deana noticed signs of trouble early. Sam said he liked outdoor activities, yet wouldnt agree to any. Deana didnt like the way he treated other people. Sam wanted all her free time and Deana had other things that needed her attention which caused a lot of arguments. She had no luck discussing this with him it was Sams way or the highway. Once Deana had a strong heart connection that felt so right, her objectivity went out the window and she choose to ignore the red flags. She feared talking to Sam because she felt it might endanger their relationship. Eventually things came to a head and both the magic and relationship dissolved. Today, Deana understands the importance of pacing herself and vows to spend more time observing before falling for someone so swiftly. Choices about love are often made on a strictly emotional basis. Yet, wouldnt everyone benefit from relying on the conscious mind as well? By approaching dating as data gathering, you have a chance to stay more level-headed and balanced which helps you avoid mistakes by not jumping in heart first. Next time you meet a great guy or gal, consider data gathering before you get too emotionally attached. Date with your head and not just your heart to increase your potential of finding someone whos a wonderful match and the right person for you. |
