Dr. Albert Ellis, recently voted one of the most influential psychologists of the last century, is rumored to be on his way to a Nobel Prize.

As a long-time admirer of Ellis, and as someone who had the privilege of learning with him, in person, let me say its well deserved.

Ellis says we can experience an emotion that we dislike and alter it, because our reasoning capacity controls our emotions, to a large extent. His approach is to teach people to talk themselves out of their funks, in some cases on the spot.

So, lets say there is a customer who is screaming at you. If you tell yourself, Its awful whenever anybody screams at me, and I shouldn't have to take this guff! youll set yourself up for feeling stressed and very uptight.

Ellis says, especially when were doing a slow burn that starts to really ignite, that we should ask, What am I telling myself thats making me so agitated?

In the screamer situation, there are two things, two nettlesome beliefs: (1) Its AWFUL; and (2) I SHOULDNT HAVE TO TAKE IT!

Ellis advises us to challenge both assumptions, to ask:

Why must it be awful? Cant I make it simply mildly uncomfortable, instead? Also, who says I shouldnt have to take it? Me, right?

Maybe I do have to take it. It could be part of the job, an unpleasant part, true, but part of it, nonetheless.

Once we have challenged these assumptions, and substituted more mild alternatives, our emotions subside, and we come into better control, says Ellis.

If youre in any kind of customer-facing capacity, you may find Ellis books a real help.

He reminds us that we may not be able to control what customers throw at us, but we can learn to duck!

Thats the next best thing, right?