After a recent speech, an audience member asked me a question Ive never considered: Whats the difference between approachability and working a room? Great point. And I think theres a MAJOR distinction between the two. Lets start with the latter. PICTURE THIS: Youre hanging out by the entrance at a networking event. Your friend standing next to you lightly elbows your shoulder and says, Hey, look at that guy in the blue suit - boy, hes really working the room tonight! How would someone like that make you feel? For some people, jealous: Gosh, I wish I could just go up to anyone and start a conversation! If only networking came easy to me, Id get all kinds of new customers! For others, annoyed: I hate when people do that. Its making the rest of us look bad. Its embarrassing to even be around someone so flaky and inauthentic. For me, sympathetic: Wow. (Shakes head). You know, thats too bad. Mr. Blue Suit is really blowing his chances of making a positive first impression. To gain a better understanding of this term, I Googled the phrase working a room while writing this article. About 50,000 pages came up. And many of them pointed to Susan Roanes bestselling book, How To Work A Room: The Ultimate Guide to Savvy Socializing in Person and Online. Now, I read this book several years ago. And I will say that its a great networking resource. But at the same time, I have to disagree: Nobody should ever have to work a room. Heres why. Working a room makes you sound like the politician who shows up at an event for 10 minutes to make an appearance, shake a few hands, kiss a few babies and then cruise out of town on his private jet. No relationships, just superficial contact. No helping others, just helping himself. No quality conversations, just the quantity thereof. This is NOT what effective networking looks like. Why? Because people dont want to feel like theyve just been worked. It pisses them off.
It creates a barrier to communication.
It makes them feel small.
And it makes YOU look like a jerk. Whats more, people can tell when they are being worked. So whats the alternative? You guessed it: approachability. The authentic magnetization of two people based on friendliness and common ground. Heres a quick comparison of the two words to help you understand the difference: Working a Room Bounce from table to table slinging business cards to anyone and everyone saying, Call me if you need a tech consultant! Shake hands, give your elevator speech, qualify, move on to the next victim Fast paced, proactive, meet-as-many-people-as-possible speed networking; forget the names of everyone you just met Show up for the networking portion of the event and then get the heck out! Approachability Offer your card when asked for one by a new contact; take the time to actually appreciate and inquire about the cards of others Spend enough time with each person to develop the CPI (Common Point of Interest) Chill out, choose a few key people to talk to; focus on both approaching them AND letting them approach you Come early, stay late. Dont sacrifice a great conversation and/or a potential relationship just because networking time is over. When I first started my career as an author/speaker, I thought working the room was the answer. I was even guilty of doing it myself! But after one particular networking event a few years ago, the president of my industry association reminded me, Scott, just relax. Just be yourself. Avoid anything that would give others the impression that youre working the room. Dont worry. People will notice. Authenticity is the most magnetic quality of any businessperson. He was right. Approachability is about authenticity. Its about giving yourself away to the other person. Its not about how many people you can meet in a half hour.
Its not about how many business cards you give away or collect.
Its not about tuning into some radio station called WIIFM (Whats In It For Me?) Its about mutually valuable relationships. Its about asking, Whats in it for US?! |
